A note from Marisa & Simon
We're building
No Faff.
Hi, welcome to No Faff.
If you're reading this, there's a good chance you know us, or our families, or someone who knows someone. That's not by accident. We wanted to start here, with people we trust, before we take this any further.
What follows is the opportunity, the numbers, and the plan. But mostly, it's an invitation. We'd love for you to be part of this from the very beginning.
A note from Marisa & Simon
We're building
No Faff.
Hi, welcome to No Faff.
If you're reading this, there's a good chance you know us, or our families, or someone who knows someone. That's not by accident. We wanted to start here, with people we trust, before we take this any further.
What follows is the opportunity, the numbers, and the plan. But mostly, it's an invitation. We'd love for you to be part of this from the very beginning.
The short version
What is No Faff?
No Faff is a premium, ready-to-drink decaf oat flat white. It comes in a can. You chill it, you open it, and you've got a proper flat white without the caffeine, without the queue, and without the fuss.
No compromise on taste. No weird aftertaste. Just beautiful coffee, made properly, ready when you are.
Why we're doing this
Decaf deserves better.
For decades, decaf has been the afterthought. The thing you order when you can't have the real thing. The sad option. We think that's wrong. The coffee is good, the process is better than ever, and the people drinking it deserve a brand that treats them like grown-ups who happen to not want caffeine at 4pm.
We want No Faff to be the brand people reach for when they want a beautiful coffee, full stop. Not "for decaf." Not "if you can't have caffeine." Just a genuinely lovely flat white that happens to be decaf, in a can that looks as good as it tastes.
A single, perfectly made drink. Decaf oat flat white. Nothing else, done properly.
Start with one can. Build a lifestyle brand that owns the decaf shelf in every good shop in the country.
That one day, nobody thinks of No Faff as 'the decaf one.' Just a really good coffee they keep in the fridge.
The Honest Bit
Your Dragons' Den moment.
The lights are on. The chairs are yours. We're the ones pitching.
You've all seen Dragons' Den. The nervous pitch, the tough questions, the moment someone leans forward and says "I'm in." Well, this is that moment, except there are no cameras and you're the ones in the chairs. We're standing in front of you, asking you to back us.
We're not asking you to empty your pension. We're asking you to back something early, when it still feels like a bit of a leap, and to help build it from the ground up. That's the exciting bit.
If the money part is what's holding you back, we understand. Early-stage investing isn't small change, and we'd never push anyone to stretch further than they're comfortable with. But if you've read this far and something about it appeals, it's probably worth a proper conversation. This page is here to give you the full picture, and the rest we can work out together over a coffee.
So, are you in?
Marisa & Simon · August 2026
The momentum so far.
14.5%
Funded
8
Backers so far
£85,500
Remaining
The Opportunity
A market that's ready.
£1.9bn
UK ready-to-drink coffee market
Growing around 8% year on year
18%
Of UK adults now drink decaf
Up from 11% in 2019
Zero
Premium decaf ready-to-drink brands at scale
The gap we're filling
2026
First batch shipping
Recipe locked, can designed
Decaf Drinkers
% of UK adults, 2019 to 2025
01
The gap
Decaf has shed its afterthought reputation. The UK's decaf drinker is younger, more frequent, and more willing to pay for quality, yet the premium end of the ready-to-drink shelf is still wide open.
02
The product
A smooth, oat-based flat white in a beautifully designed can. No bitterness, no caffeine, no compromise. Recipe developed with a specialty roaster; can designed in-house.
03
The plan
Direct-to-consumer launch in 2026 to build brand and proof of demand. Selective wholesale from 2027, independents first, then premium grocers. National distribution by 2029.
Why hasn't anyone done this before?
Honestly, it's a fair question. The ready-to-drink coffee shelf has been dominated by big brands playing it safe, caffeinated lattes in plain cans, aimed at the mass market. Decaf has always been an afterthought, a decaffeinated version of someone else's product, never the main event.
A couple of smaller players have started to appear. One leans towards a dairy-based decaf latte, another towards more of an energy-drink style positioning. There's an independent called Nolo doing something with oat syrup rather than oat milk, positioned as a functional drink. They're all interesting, but none of them are a proper decaf oat flat white, and none of them have cracked the retail shelf yet.
That's the gap. The decaf drinker has evolved, the shelf hasn't, and no one has turned up with the right product, the right branding, and the right plan to own it. We believe that's us.
Pricing Strategy
The psychology of £3.
We recommend a £3 RRP. Not because it looks nicer (though it does), but because there's proper consumer psychology behind it. Here's the short version.
£3.00
Rounded pricing
Encourages: "Do I want it?"
Instinctive, pleasure-based, confident. The kind of price that feels deliberate rather than negotiated.
£2.75
Precise pricing
Encourages: "Is it good value?"
Analytical, comparative. Feels like we've tried to stay under a barrier, which makes people think about the price rather than the product.
Rounded = instinctive
Research shows rounded prices suit feeling-led purchases. The brain processes them more easily and people rely on how the purchase feels, not how it compares.
Price signals quality
In one study, people rated identical wine as more enjoyable when they believed it cost more. Price isn't just a barrier. It's part of the branding and a signal customers use to judge quality.
On brand
£3 feels simple, confident and deliberate. No tricks, no pretending it's cheaper than it is, no unnecessary faff. This is a good drink and it costs £3.
One more thing: we can only recommend an RRP. The retailer ultimately decides what appears on the shelf. They could choose £2.75, introduce it at £2.50, or run two for £5. Recommending £3 simply tells them where we believe the brand sits, and gives them room to promote down from it.
Marketing Strategy
We don't do
the hard sell.
No Faff doesn't behave like a brand desperate to be liked. No paid praise, no shiny people holding cans near their faces. Just real, down-to-earth recommendations from people who genuinely enjoy it. Here's how that works in practice.
This is for you if...
you appreciate a good coffee without the caffeine
you'd rather something just taste nice than come with a manifesto
you're tired of drinks that promise to change your life
you want a decaf that doesn't taste like a compromise
The reviews we'd want
Right now, every brand's reviews sound the same: "10/10, life-changing, literally obsessed." We'd rather earn something more honest. Here's the kind of review we're working towards.
"It's very good."
Decaf convert
Manchester
"I'd drink another."
Night-shift nurse
Leeds
"Proper nice, actually."
Tired parent
Bristol
"No notes."
A founder
Should be asleep
The Central Thought
We're not here to talk you into it. We're here to make it good enough that you'll fancy one anyway.
No fake enthusiasm, no paid praise, no overproduced content, no pretending every can changed someone's life. Just a good drink, honestly made.
The Landscape
Nobody's cracked it yet.
A couple of players have started to appear in the decaf ready-to-drink space, and credit to them for trying. One leans dairy-based, another is more of an energy-drink style positioning, and there's an independent called Nolo doing something with oat syrup rather than oat milk, aimed at the functional drinks crowd.
None of them are a proper decaf oat flat white, and crucially, none of them have conquered the retail shelf yet. That's still wide open. Here's how we stack up.
Us
No Faff
- ✓Decaf oat flat white, the real thing
- ✓Oat milk: premium, inclusive
- ✓Proper coffee taste, not functional
- ✓Beautifully branded, premium feel
- ✓Built for the retail shelf
- ✓UK indie brand story
Dairy-based decaf lattes
- ·Dairy-based, not oat
- ·Mass-market feel
- ·Decaf as an afterthought
- ·Not premium positioned
- ·No niche brand story
Energy-drink-style decaf
- ·Positioned as functional, not coffee
- ·Different vibe altogether
- ·Not a proper flat white
- ·Caffeine-free but not decaf-led
- ·Aimed at the energy drink aisle
Nolo & functional oat drinks
- ·Oat syrup, not oat milk
- ·Functional drink, not flat white
- ·Different category entirely
- ·Niche positioning
- ·Not built for mainstream retail
Revenue Model
How we make money.
We sell a physical product with strong margins across three growing channels. The model is simple: make great coffee, sell it to people who want it, repeat.
Direct to Consumer
Our own website and subscription offering. Higher margins, direct relationship with our customers, and a growing base of repeat buyers who love the product.
Wholesale / Retail
Independent cafes, delis, gyms, and health food stores. We've already had strong early interest. This scales our volume significantly without heavy marketing spend.
Corporate & Office
Office coffee culture is huge. A case of No Faff on the kitchen counter is a natural fit, and bulk orders mean predictable, recurring revenue.
Unit Economics (indicative)
£3.00
RRP
~£0.95
COGS (incl. manufacturing)
~72%
Gross margin (direct)
50,000 units
First batch target
Where The Money Goes
Every penny, in the cup.
Here's how we'll spend the first £100,000. Mostly on getting coffee into cans and into people's hands, with a bit for the unglamorous stuff that makes it all actually work.
Tap a slice or a row to dig in.
Risk to Capital · SWOT
Honest about the risks.
This is an early-stage business and your capital is at risk. We're not pretending otherwise. Here's a clear-eyed look at where we stand.
Strengths
- •First mover in the decaf ready-to-drink oat coffee niche
- •Strong, distinctive brand identity
- •Growing consumer demand for decaf options
- •Simple, scalable product formula
Weaknesses
- •Pre-revenue: no sales history yet
- •Small founding team with limited bandwidth
- •No existing retail relationships at launch
- •Manufacturing depends on a third-party co-packer
- •Brand awareness is currently zero outside our network
Opportunities
- •Decaf coffee growing steadily year on year in the UK
- •No direct competitor doing a proper decaf oat flat white at scale
- •Health and wellness trend driving demand for better-for-you drinks
- •Subscription model potential for recurring revenue
Threats
- •Larger brands could enter the decaf ready-to-drink space
- •Input cost inflation (oat milk, coffee, cans)
- •Retail shelf space is competitive and hard to win
- •Economic downturn reducing premium spending
- •Co-packer availability and lead time risks
3-Year Financial Forecast
Conservative projections.
These figures are deliberately conservative. They demonstrate that without this raise, the business cannot cover its costs in Years 1 and 2, which is exactly why we're seeking SEIS investment.
Revenue vs Costs (£k)
The gap narrows, then closes. That's the plan.
- Revenue
- Costs
- Break
| 2026 | 2027 | 2028 | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Revenue | |||
| DTC / Online sales | £18k | £55k | £120k |
| Wholesale / Retail | £8k | £40k | £95k |
| Corporate / Office | £4k | £15k | £35k |
| Total Revenue | £30k | £110k | £250k |
| Costs | |||
| Cost of Goods Sold | £20k | £40k | £85k |
| Marketing & Sales | £25k | £30k | £35k |
| Operations & Logistics | £18k | £22k | £28k |
| Overheads & Admin | £12k | £14k | £16k |
| Total Costs | £75k | £106k | £164k |
| Net Profit / Loss | -£45k | £4k | £86k |
All figures in GBP thousands. Projections are indicative and conservative. Net losses in Years 1 and 2 total approximately £100k, equal to the amount being raised under SEIS. We plan to continue raising EIS funds over the next 7+ years to support the company's ongoing growth.
SEIS · Seed Enterprise Investment Scheme
The government's paying half.
What is SEIS?
SEIS stands for the Seed Enterprise Investment Scheme. It's a government scheme, run by HMRC, designed to encourage people to invest in small, early-stage companies like No Faff. The idea is simple: starting a business is risky, and without backing, most would never get off the ground. So the government steps in and effectively shares some of that risk with you.
In practical terms, if you invest in a qualifying company, the government gives you tax relief worth 50% of your investment. So if you put in £2,000, you can claim £1,000 back against your income tax bill that same year. You keep the shares, and if the company does well, any profit is tax-free after three years. If it doesn't, you can offset the loss against your tax too.
It's not a loophole or a trick. It's the government saying, "we want people to back small businesses, so we'll make it less daunting." For No Faff, we're going for HMRC advance assurance, which means the taxman confirms we qualify before you invest. Below is what that means for you in practice.
50% back, straight away
Invest up to £100,000 and claim 50% of it as income tax relief. That's real money back in your pocket the same tax year you invest.
Tax-free profits
Hold your shares for three years and any gain is free of capital gains tax. No nibbling at your upside when it pays off.
Loss relief
If it doesn't go the distance, you can offset the loss against your income tax. The downside gets meaningfully softer.
The real deal
We're going for HMRC advance assurance, so the taxman signs off before you invest. Proper, not hand-wavy.
The fine print, plainly: relief applies to your first £100,000 invested, per tax year. The calculator below shows exactly how that stacks, including what you're genuinely putting on the table once the taxman's chipped in. To claim SEIS relief you need to be a UK taxpayer paying tax in Britain, with a British bank account in your name.
The Team
Two people. One plan.
No Faff is currently a two-person founding team. We plan to bring on additional production and sales support as the business scales, funded in part by this raise.
Marisa
Co-Founder, Operations & Strategy
Full-time founder
Marisa drives the commercial side: supply chain, manufacturing relationships, financials, and go-to-market. She's the one making sure the coffee gets made, shipped, and sold.
Simon
Co-Founder, Brand & Product
Full-time founder
Simon brings years of experience in brand building and consumer products. He leads on product development, design, and the voice of No Faff, making sure everything looks, tastes, and feels exactly right.
Who we're looking for
We'd welcome experienced advisors and board members to guide us as we grow. Voluntary roles for now, with the option to formalise as the business scales.
Retail expert
Advisory · Voluntary
Someone who knows the UK retail landscape inside out. Premium FMCG, grocery buyers, distribution logistics. We need help getting onto the right shelves.
Coffee expert
Advisory · Voluntary
A specialty coffee professional who understands sourcing, roasting, and flavour development for decaf. Someone who can help us keep raising the bar on quality.
No Faff currently has fewer than 25 employees, meeting the SEIS eligibility requirement. Manufacturing and fulfilment is handled by specialist third-party producers, with plans to bring key roles in-house as the business grows.
Roadmap
Where this is going.
Year one is about proving the product and the market. Years two and three are about scaling what works. Beyond that, we're building something that lasts. Follow it along.
Year 1 · 2026
Launch
- →Complete manufacturing set-up with UK co-packer
- →Produce and sell first batch of 50,000 units
- →Launch direct-to-consumer website and subscription offering
- →Secure 20+ indie retail stockists
- →Build audience and brand awareness via social and sampling
Year 2–3 · 2027–28
Scale
- →Introduce two new flavours (funded by this raise)
- →Expand retail distribution across UK
- →Explore gym, office, and hospitality channels
- →Grow subscriber base and repeat revenue
- →Second production run targeting 150,000+ units
Year 4+ · 2029 onwards
Establish
- →Become the go-to UK decaf ready-to-drink brand
- →Explore international opportunities (EU, Australia)
- →Consider wider product range within the decaf niche
- →Enterprise Investment Scheme follow-on funding to support growth
The Calculator · With SEIS
What it means for you.
Slide to choose your investment. We've built in the 50% SEIS tax relief so you can see what you're genuinely putting on the table, and what it could be worth in five years. Looking to invest more? We'd love to talk. Just use the email button below.
Shares
250
at £10 each
SEIS tax relief
£1,250
50% income tax relief
Your effective cost
£1,250
after tax relief
Projected value (5 yrs)
£8,750
3.5× your investment
Net return
+£7,500
on your effective cost
Effective multiple
7.0×
return on real cost
Ready to go for it?
We've drafted an email with your details and your selected investment of £2,500. One click and it's ready to send.
Email to invest →These figures are illustrative projections, not financial advice or a guarantee of performance. SEIS eligibility depends on individual circumstances and HMRC rules, which can change. Investing in early-stage companies involves risk, including the potential loss of your full investment.
What Happens Next
How it all works.
You're not just handing over money and hoping for the best. You're part of this. Here's what that actually looks like, step by step.
Proper updates
We'll keep you in the loop as we go. Not just the highlights reel. You'll see what's working, what's not, and what we're doing about it. Regular, honest, and from us.
The launch party
When we launch, you're there. First round on us, and a proper thank you in front of the people who made it happen.
First tastes
New flavours, new batches, new anything. You'll try it before anyone else, and your honest opinion on it will genuinely shape what goes out.
Seeing it on shelves
There's a particular feeling when you spot something you helped build on a shop shelf. We want you to have that feeling, and to be able to say you were there from the start.
The thank yous
Your name goes in the credits. Genuinely. The first batch exists because of the people who said yes early, and we won't forget it.
Not just money
If writing a cheque isn't your thing but you've got connections, expertise, or a good word to put in, we want that just as much. Introductions, partnerships, advice. It all counts.
Next Steps
Let's talk.
If this resonates, we'd love to share the full deck with you. Financials, the brand roadmap, the team, the lot. We keep these conversations focused, and early.
hello@nofaff.co.uk · Marisa & Simon